"I love you the way you are and l dont expect you to change to accommodate my needs"
It takes two to argue.We often complain about our spouse attitude and how it gets on our nerves.But to be honest,look into the mirror and tell yourself the role you play in accepting our spouse's behaviour or trying to change what is unlikely to be changed.And ask ourselves too,if we are ready to change?
To have accepted to marry your spouse ,you must be ready to accept the whole essence of the individual being.
In marriages,people are unlikely to change no matter how much their spouse demand it,says Andrew Christensen,professor of psychology at UCLA.
Most of the things we complain about in our spouse are actually our daily life routine.For example house chores, being a critic,not actually listening when our spouse talks,not paying attention to the children collectively,not devoting attention to the marriage and lots more.
"The wanting to change our spouse may make us dislike characters that attracted us to our spouse at first" says Christensen&Jacobson.
Early in the relationship we are less concern and hardly pay attention to important character issues or we just decide to ignore these differences and live in "fantasy"that things will change or we can make our spouse change.
When we don't get the changes we want from our spouse we start comparing our spouse with others around us,slightly disliking our spouse for their differences which can lead to incompatibility among spouse.
Studies have shown that couples needs to work on major issues in the marriage such as closeness and how to use power.It is important that couples find their strengths and use it as a power tool to overcome issues in the union.
Understand the need for closeness and power to agree on a mutual level to strengthen the union.Each couples has what works for them.
But accepting our spouse character does not mean tolerating behaviour which we are not comfortable with and setting standard for our spouse.
To be continued
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