What does it mean to discipline a child?

     Discipline - what is discipline?

People often confuse 'discipline' with 'physical punishment', but they are quite different. Discipline is about teaching. It helps a child learn what is expected and to gradually learn how to control their own behaviour.

You don't need to physically punish children to teach them. They learn best when they feel safe and secure and 'good' behaviour is encouraged. The key is having a close relationship with your child as well as clear rules and realistic expectations.

What is discipline?

Parents can worry about the best ways to discipline children as there are so many different views. For many of us growing up, discipline usually meant punishment. It often left us feeling hurt, upset and unfairly treated.

Discipline is really about guidance. It is a way to keep children safe as they find out about the world. They need to learn how to manage their feelings, impulses and actions so they can learn and get on with others. Warm but firm parenting that builds on your child's strong desire to please you is the best way to guide them.

Discipline is also about helping children learn the values that are important to your family. Children learn to make good choices because they want to do the right thing, not just to avoid punishment. This teaches them self-discipline.

A positive approach to discipline is less stressful for children and makes parenting more enjoyable. It takes patience but is worth it in the long run. It uses love instead of fear to teach life-long skills, and strengthens the bond with your child.

Learning what is expected.               Children are not born knowing how to behave. They rely on you to teach and guide them in ways that suit their understanding and ability. They need you to show them what to do calmly and patiently. Just as we all learn by practice, you may need to repeat a lesson many times until they can do it without your help.

What parents can do

There are things you can do to help your child know what is expected and to learn self-discipline.

Plan ahead :Thinking ahead about your needs and your child's needs can help prevent a difficult situation. When you go shopping your toddler might get bored, or become tired or hungry. They act out and you get stressed. Plan to shop in short bursts when the shops aren't busy, and your toddler isn't hungry or tired. Let them help you in some way.

Teach them your values :Talk to your child about why you want them to do something, not just because you say so. They will learn what is important to your family, eg. doing things together, listening to each other and speaking with respect.

It is also important to be a good role model by acting in ways you expect of them. Children have a strong sense of justice and fairness and if they see you acting in ways that don't match what you say, they might resist what you tell them. They are more likely to copy what you do.

Reward 'good' behaviour: When children know what is expected and are praised and encouraged for doing this, it builds on their desire to please you. They are 'rewarded' when you notice the good things they do, and when you tell them how proud and happy it makes you feel.

Keep material rewards to a minimum or your child may learn to do things only if there is the promise of a treat.

Build responsibility: Children learn responsibility by being part of making decisions rather than just following what parents say. Even young children can be involved in making simple decisions.

This doesn't mean letting children do what they want without making sure they stay safe. It means guiding them toward good choices by:

Helping them learn how to problem-solve and think about consequences. This builds confidence and skills so they can make bigger decisions as they mature letting them learn by doing. They may not always choose what you like but as long as the choice is safe for them and for others, they will learn to trust themselves and to know that you trust them to make good choices encouraging them when they make mistakes. Mistakes teach children how to deal with frustration and disappointment. Encourage them to have another go.

Adapted from
WOMEN'S AND CHILDREN'S
HEALTH NETWORK
PARENTING AND CHILD HEALTH